You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
