Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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