Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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