just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
