If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you made out with another girl for some wings
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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