Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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