No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
