There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i came on her dog
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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