I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
