yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
