it's not cheating when I paid for it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
