I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
