i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
