ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
