It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
