just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
