Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
