i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
