Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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