went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
