in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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