I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There r osticjed everywhere
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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