oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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