Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's great music for shaving your balls
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize