he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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