it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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