Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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