there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
