ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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