TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The air was thick with penises
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
