Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize