I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
