the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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