I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
