So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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