im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
