At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
