How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
