1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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