I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
