so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
