I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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