she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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