I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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