He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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