final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
