It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
