I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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