I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
