we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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