how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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