Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
