giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
