I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
