I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
