there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
