Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
