i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
