I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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