1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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