If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
