Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
