I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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