apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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