Having a random hookup so left but love u
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
