so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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