Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
