You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to make a zoo with you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
