I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
