its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
