i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
