I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
