nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
